can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
