About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
