Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
