I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
