This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
