I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
