I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
