Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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