ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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