um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
