She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
