you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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