There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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