Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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