This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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