Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hippo gnu deer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
