don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
