this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
