it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
