The maid of honor just puked.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
