He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
