If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
