The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
