i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
