Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
