They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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