i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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