you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
