your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
