he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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