I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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