Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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