oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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