Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
