Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
