I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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