About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
