I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My hand turned me down
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
