It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
