thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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