My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
