I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
