I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I look better un-naked...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
