It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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