You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
