I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
