I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize