yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
