his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
