I think I am morally bankrupt
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
