The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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